I am the master of the Inappropriate Crush. What makes a crush inappropriate, you ask? Crushing on someone who is completely unavailable, of course. And being consumed with embarrassment at the thought of revealing to anyone that you have a crush on that person. So yes, I am the master of the Inappropriate Crush.
Actually, the vast majority of my love life has consisted of inappropriate crushes. I don’t have a lot of luck with men at all. This might be one of the reasons why. I was never interested in bad-boys, I didn’t really care about the cute popular boys. No, my crushes as far back as I can remember have been much more … creative than that.
I was the girl who had the crushes on teachers in high school. Yes, I had a massive crush on Rev. Smith. And it doesn’t get more inappropriate than that. Rev. Smith was from South Africa. He had a beautiful accent and a viciously dry sense of humor. He wasn’t necessarily well-liked by the other kids, mostly because they didn’t get his oddball, quirky humor. He was old enough to be my father. In fact, two of his kids (twins) were in my class. Yes, I had a crush on the father of two of my classmates, a strange man with an accent. He was married, but that kind of fell apart spectacularly when we were still in school and it’s not my place to talk about it. But yes, I loved him. And it was so, so wrong.
I didn’t grow out of the inappropriate crush phase as I got older either. The trend has pretty much continued in one way or another until the present. I was the girl who had crushes on professors at school, including ones who were Catholic priests. And while yes, a lot of this could probably be attributed to daddy issues of some sort, it hasn’t just been about older men.
In my mid-20s I had the worst kind of Inappropriate Crush, the kind that is best classified as Unrequited Love. Dan was younger than me by a few years. He was in my brother’s class in school I think, but they weren’t especially close friends. I thought the sun rose and set around Dan. And so, unfortunately, I started to act like it did. Yes, I followed him around like a little puppy, which was so not what I should have been doing at that age. I baked him cookies and made him a cake. I sewed a button or two back on his dress shirts. I walked around more or less as his yes-man side-kick for months. Then he transferred to a different college. He told me that he knew I would write to him no matter what, even if he didn’t write back.
That was when it hit me. Dan was a douche who had been using me the whole time.
Well, that kind of put a damper on my crushes for a long, long time. It’s an awful thing to wake up and realize a guy you put your heart on your sleeve for has been playing you. I think it’s called being a girl in your 20s.
Fortunately I recovered, somewhat sadder and wiser. Sort of.
If you’ve been reading my Unlikely Hero of the Week posts on Thursdays then you know I’ve developed a unique taste in men. I did him a long time ago, but Michael Emerson is still my favorite Unlikely Hero ever! I love him so much. And when in doubt I can always have a crush on Richard Armitage. He’s dreamy. But up there with them these days is another fantastically Inappropriate Crush, Chris Colfer. Because nothing says inappropriate like having the warm fuzzies for a very gay man. I just like him so much! And didn’t Kinsey say something about none of us ever being completely one way or the other?
And if you’ve noticed, I’ve been evading a bit here. Because the question still remains…. Do I currently have any inappropriate crushes?
*bows head in shame*
Yes, yes I do. But before I confess, I need to back up by about a year and a half and talk about my cricket team.
When I first got involved with cricket in the Philadelphia area, before I knew the guys as well as I do now, yes. Yes I did have a few crushes amongst them. I’ve had a crush on three of the guys in that picture above. But I quickly learned not to crush on my cricket guys at all because South Asian men don’t wear wedding rings when they’re playing cricket. And just about all of them are married. My most embarrassing cricket crush moment was finding out that he was married with six kids. I am so glad I never said anything!
But back to the present. Yes, I have not one but TWO Inappropriate Crushes in real life these days. These are my work crushes. Everyone needs work crushes as far as I’m concerned. … Um, as long as you recognize that they’re crushes, that is. Both my Day Job work crush and my Part-Time Job work crush are a little on the nerdy side, not traditionally attractive, both hard workers, both with quirky senses of humor. … Both have very serious girlfriends. *SIGH*
In fact, looking back on things, high school, college, cricket, work crushes, I have a thing for unavailable guys. The ultimate Inappropriate Crush! I would say that I’m attracted to the wrong type, but the thing is, I think I’m attracted to exactly the RIGHT type. It’s just that my type tends to get into serious, loving, committed relationships BEFORE they meet me. By the time they get to be my age those kinds of guys are usually married and busy being good fathers and husbands.
So what’s a girl to do? Well, I can always write about the guys I want to be with. I fall in love with my characters on a regular basis. That’s something. Aside from that … maybe I missed my calling as a rich man’s mistress? Nah! The kind of guy I love would never have something on the side. I guess I’m just doomed until my romance novel/romantic comedy plot comes along to surprise me.
How ‘bout you? Who are your crushes, appropriate or inappropriate, real or imaginary?